Nov
24
We have all had that moment where you sign onto your Facebook account, and scan the status updates. Without fail, there will be one person whose status makes you do a double take and wonder if this person is serious. Did they really just put that up for the whole world to see? Whenever I see one of those updates, I say that the person is “cuttin’ up”. While cuttin’ up might have been acceptable while in undergrad, the rules change when you are on a company’s payroll. The things that were once cute and kind of funny are now the source of closed door meetings, and cause for concern in regards to job security.
There are a few categories and sub-categories of cuttin’ up on Facebook. The first category is “The Status Cut Up.” The three subcategories that are the most likely to get you a meeting with HR are the “Facebook as a personal therapist”, the “Facebook Workplace Shout Out” and last but not least, the “Facebook Gangsta.”
The second category is “The Photo Album Cut Up.” In this category the subcategories are a little bit more explicit. There is the “Lets Get Wasted”, the “Soft Porn”, and lastly, the “I am Going to Do Illegal Things and Then Post it for the World to See, because I am That Dude” category.
For those of you who are not familiar with what exactly cuttin’ up entails, I took the liberty of going to Facebook and got examples to SHOW YOU clear instances of people cuttin’ up in all of these categories. I will be using actual statuses, and will talk about actual photos from albums of people on Facebook. I will NOT post the picture because that’s a lawsuit waiting to happen, and a lawyer is not in my budget. If your status or photo appears on here, don’t be offended; I might have caught you on an off day. Now for my repeat offenders, who shall remain nameless, I just need you to do better.
Status Cut Up:
Personal Therapist:
1. “I hate you and everyone who looks like you, I can’t believe I let you put me through all this, how could I have been so stupid to believe what we had was real” (This falls under the category of cuttin’ up and doing the most)
2. “The pain I feel is nothing like I have ever felt. My heart is broken beyond repair, I will never be whole again…” (Get it together!)
3. “F*&K B*&^%$S, Get Money, H&%s aint S*^T no way” (I have so many questions about this)
4. “If I can’t have you no one else can!” (HELP!!!!!)
The Workplace Shout Out:
1. “Is trippin on this 68 year old patient with Beyonce’s put a ring on it ring tone! Ol a$$ hag!” (Really though, why does she have to be all that!)
2. “Can I do electronics lab while tipsy? the ultimate test of my skillz as an engineer!“ (umm hello, if you are at work, tipsy, its probably in your best interest not to broadcast it on Facebook, that will surly get you fired)
3. “Quick thought….. Why is it that my job finds the most inept person to manage the clinic??? Anyone…. Anyone???” (Hopefully, he doesn’t find out how you really feel)
4. “Anyone else having problems uploading photos to their FB pages
today?” Posted at 4:51pm (You are clearly at work right now, letting the world know you are accessing Facebook on company time!!!! Expect a call from HR at 4:59)
The Facebook Gangsta:
1. “Once again she cant stop talkin bout me. its all good i see u
obessed wit a b*%&h. I’m everything ur not and i live the life u want. *Stupid H%# Get Ya Swag Right” (I might need an interpreter on this one)
2. “At Work Tryna figure out why dumb b%&*%$s wanna play on my phone!” (Pick up the phone and ask her, clearly if she is playing on your phone, she will not be responding to your Facebook status.)
3. “Smh @ all you phony fake b%^&$#s!!! What a shame worry about ur man and who he f*&%^n or pu$$y he eatin n where he spendin his cash @? Hmmm… yall wondering huh LMFAO!!!! F&*k a ni##a get money DUMMY!!!” (Does your mother know you have such an “extensive” vocabulary???)
4. “Why did someone just say to me “you are a mom and pop im a
corporation”… this n&*&a must not know who the f&*k i am… someone
please tell this dude before i faceslap his Facebook?” (How exactly do
you faceslap someone on Facebook?? Is that a new application like poking??)
Cut Up Hall of Fame:
1. “MARRIAGE PERK # 1….The 5AM rollover” (Um ewww!!!! no one wants to know that!)
2. “Hopefully this DUI can be put to rest today!!!!!….Wow!!!!! Verdict be not guilty!!! Money does talk….Lint pocket a$% N%^$*S step your game up!”
3. “Sommm BEATCHH!!!!! Facebook has been disabled at work. Back to slowass days…”
Photo Cut Up:
Lets Get Wasted:
1. You looking a mess with the caption “Gone off that Henn”
2. You sitting on the dirty sidewalk, barefoot with the caption “Blame it on the alcohol” (Jaime Foxx look what your song has done!)
3. You half naked doing a keg stand (You are no longer in College and why are you half naked??)
4. The morning after pics of the “sweet” party you had last night (TMI)
Soft Porn:
1. A picture of you in pair of thongs and pasties (cutting up!)
2. A picture of you taking a picture of yourself in the bathroom mirror in your tighty whities (Cuttin’ up! This is not Myspace)
3. A picture of you spread eagle with the caption “I’m a bad B&^*h”
4. A picture of you and your boo doing what should be done in the
privacy of your home…(Use your imagination)
Illegal:
1. A picture of you in a car, where the weed smoke is so thick, the only thing visible is your Kool Aid Smile (Despite what you may think or WANT to think, smoking weed is ILLEGAL)
2. A Facebook album with all the 110 things you have stolen, that you are now trying to use to “come up” (If you stole it, we need not know)
3. A picture of your table full of “special pills” (yes this is for real)
I am not saying that your Facebook page needs to lack character, but if you want to use Facebook to Cut Up, you should DEFINITELTY utilize these options:
1. Make sure that your status and pictures are private. Get familiar with the privacy tab in your account to make sure that what you have on your page only reaches the intended people. Although you might not be friends with your boss on Facebook, I would bet that you are friends with someone who is friends with your boss, and could very easily pass on the information. I would not be surprised if someone told me that my grandmother, who doesn’t even have a firm grasp of the English language, has a Facebook account. Everyone has an account, be careful!
2. As far as pictures on Facebook are concerned, while I respect your ability to make animal shapes with your weed smoke, unless there is a MEDICAL reason you are smoking, Facebook is not the place to put your skills on display.
3. Now if there are vacations pictures or things of that nature that you want to post, feel free, but just be sure that you are not breaking any HR rules in doing so. Facebook has become an HR tool for companies to use when researching their present and future employees. It helps them make sure that the candidate will uphold the standards set forth by the company and is a good representation of the company. With all that being said I guess I should rephrase my initial statement, Facebook, the company, will not get you fired, Cuttin’ up on Facebook just might! So make sure your page projects the image that you want future employers to have of you.
Final Note: I know there might be a few people cursing me out in their Facebook status after reading this, it’s ok, I’ll take one for the team 
If you have been on Facebook for more than 6 months you know that there are ALWAYS changes & updates to the site. Some of the updates have been helpful and some have just been a waste of time! The most recent change is the timeline format (which I have not switched over to), but apparently in the near future Facebook is going to force everyone to convert to that new format. Check out this funny Jimmy Kimmel below explaining how Facebook may enforce this new rule!
